Coming Home-- What's Different

I took some time previously to talk about the whole ordeal that lead us to come home early, but now it's time to talk about being home in general. The above picture is the last picture I took in Korea with my phone. We had about 6 hours of sitting around at the Incheon International Airport, so I did some wandering and also took a picture of this very large display.

It's fair to say that our circumstances were a bit different than some, because of the time frame during which we left. We were anticipating leaving and coming home September 3rd, but being told on a Wednesday that she wanted us gone during the upcoming weekend made for a bit of a challenge. That gave us less time to mentally prepare and also to get all packed up, but we did it anyway. What a whirlwind, and a long day of travelling.

Now, traveling more than 6,000 miles is definitely easy by today's standards, but we still wracked up more than 25 hours of travel time. We took a taxi from the school/apartment to the bus terminal, boarded a bus for a 2 hour ride up to the airport, waited around the airport for about 6 hours, took a plane from Incheon to Toronto for 13 hours, got through customs and immigration in Toronto for the US and had a layover of about 2 and a half hours, then flew from Toronto to Philadelphia in about an hour and a half or so followed by an hour and a half drive home. Needless to say, it was a very, very long day. That much travel, across 11 time zones, can really do a number on a person and it's taken time to adjust.

It's definitely good to be home and see all of our favorite places again (see above, a wonderful part of the local area). But not only have we been adjusting to being 13 hours behind again (from South Korea back to Eastern Standard timezone) and fixing our sleep schedule, but we've been readjusting culturally too. This is my take on the whole thing and Zach will provide his own interpretation when he gets the opportunity as well. These are just some of the personal observations that I've made in what's been about a month since we've been home.

-- Getting used to seeing English everywhere again is a big change. Going from seeing some English, but mostly signs in Korean is very different. Suddenly I can walk into a store and read the signs, and look at all the advertisements and understand them.

-- Understanding everyone again. It's different, it really is. Something I'd say I kind of took for granted before. To go from understanding a word here and there to suddenly being able to recognize and comprehend speech from whoever is a very different concept. The lull of speech in Korea was something you could kind of zone out to (except when you picked out words here and there), rather than something you actively listen and respond to here.

-- Driving again after not doing so for so long. This one took a little time to remember, and get used to my cars own little tendencies. I have to say that this is a skill that may get rusty, but it did come back soon enough and now it's like I never even left.

-- Going to stores and being able to understand what you're getting. This is one of my favorite differences. I'm able to walk into a store and know what I'm getting, be able to read the ingredients and the nutrition label and that's just cool.

-- So many food options. I really enjoy Korean food, in fact we got bulgogi at a local Korean restaurant for lunch yesterday, but it's nice to be able to eat a variety of different foods. In Korea I feel like the flavors were kind of limited and after a while it seemed like many things tasted very similar. Back at home it's nice to have the option of going for Mexican or Italian, American or Indian, it's just pleasant to have so many things to try again.

-- Not being stared at and being able to communicate well. Back in Korea as a foreigner it wasn't unusual to get stares or kid randomly saying hi to show of their English to a foreigner. Here you just kind of blend in, which in its own way is really something of a revelation for me. This leads into discussion of privilege as a part of the majority and I think I'd rather tackle that at a different time when I'm not addressing a long list of adjustments being home from Korea. It's also nice to be able to tell people what you want or need, to make an order without gesturing to a menu board or pointing to a picture/item in a menu.

-- Not handing things to people with two hands. In Korea it's considered polite to hand things to people with two hands whether you're giving a gift or handing money to a cashier. Here, no such ceremonial tendencies, you just hand over whatever it may be with a single hand and you're good to go.

-- Bowing constantly. In Korea it's normal to bow to people, or at least nod in greeting. It seems like something I did everywhere, really. Now that I no longer do that it seems a little strange and I do a lot of smiling and sometimes nodding instead.

-- One normality to another. I think I like this one the most, because it's so true. We went from the foreign and unusual at first to South Korean normality, for us anyway. Coming home is also much the same. We went from Korea and came back home again to things being somewhat strange, but we're settling back into a different sort of normality. Not the same as before we left and certainly not the same normality in South Korea, but a new and familiar normality nonetheless.

Chungcheongbuk-do Science Forest Museum and Hagwon Ramblings

I've been kind of lax with updating lately, dealing with some current fun here at our school. So I figured I should probably update with a field trip we took in April to a nature preserve/museum/hiking hub here in Chungcheongbuk-do. It was a fun day, though we ran into a little bit of rain during our lunch/snack. More on that one later. It was a neat trip though, I just wished that we had gotten to see more and that the things in the museum were understandable to us.

The reason I say that we're dealing with some things lately is because as always, our director has something up her sleeve that we don't really agree with and/or like. By that I mean that she informed us that she wants us to teach a Saturday class for an hour for 4 weeks. At least, that was the first time she brought it up. The following time when we went to tell her that no, we were not going to be doing this, we were informed that this would actually be a 6 week venture with an hour class from 10 to 11am and that we would be getting paid 20,000 won for it. Additionally, she's also bad at being a boss, I'll just put it that way. Instead of asking me initially, she just kind of presented it expecting me to probably say "Okaaaay!" because I should somehow feel obligated because she's my boss and elder. Then when we spoke to her that second time, she tried to bring out the emotional tactics, that we needed to help her before we go back to America.

Well, let me be the first to say that this is not happening. Sure contracts will say that you may have to attend the occasional weekend event without being paid for it and that's okay. This, however, is not okay. Yes, per our contract, the 20,000 won per hour of overtime is correct, but with her history there is no way it's happening. Some hagwon directors can and will try to squeeze every last thing they can out of you and this is just another case of it. Zach is also working at another school and is getting paid overtime for it. In my case though, I haven't seen a cent of overtime since we arrived and let me just say that I have been denied a lot of overtime.

Anyway, without further delay or excessive discussion, here are some pictures from the (now long ago) field trip!

Psssh, we don't need no stinkin' car safety. No seat belts in use here. 

We have arrived! It was a little chilly, but a fun day.

Inside the welcome center there was a neat display of the whole area including the mountain range that stretched around that people can and do hike on.

Here's one of the entrances to the area we headed toward with the "tree museum".

The museum itself seemed interesting, a lot of natural history type things. Our director would sometimes stop and have the children read the displays in Korean which was kind of neat. There was that one time where she had me say photosynthesis for her and the kids to attempt to pronounce. 

Things I can read! This was actually really neat because it showed the mountain ranges of Korea.

This was neat, I think it even had some fancy speakers with spoken information along with it. I'm liking the won symbol on top of the building.

An area with flora and fauna, neat!

These folks were kind of creepy though. Especially the eyes.

There were petrified tree cross sections galore in one area. They were really fascinating.

I thought this was kind of cute on account of the heart shape.

Large petrified tree trunks!

Snack time, a time we will be very familiar with in the upcoming months.

There were a handful of nuns that gathered to take pictures around these characters and I went over to take a picture of the group so they could all be in the picture. My kind deed of the day. :)  I think these characters are maybe a regional thing? Cheongju has their own logo mascot things and I think these characters are for Chungcheongbuk-do? Don't quote me on that though.

The field trip was fun though, we got sprinkled on a little during snack time and us 4 adults had to hold a tarp over the kids head for a while until it passed. Then we headed back to the school, had lunch and continued with the rest of the day. Since there have been several field trips since then I'll have to play catch up and give a quick recap of our roaming adventures!

Interesting things I learned from teaching college aged kids

I am using this post in part to add much needed content to the blog after it slowing to a trickle.  The warm summer months  has that sort of effect on things, it is too nice out in Korea for me to want to spend time blogging but anything for our ESL Honeymoon Adventure!
 I also want to use this post as a reminder of some of the weird and interesting things I learned both about Korea and about the youth of Korea during our year long stay.

Driving

• There are actually two or more types of drivers licenses in Korea, a dry weather license which you get first, then a wet weather/snow driver's license afterward.  Not many people bother getting the second one and drive in wet weather anyway, but it gives them a lot more issues if they get into an accident when its raining.
• Also according to my adult students literally no one pays attention to the rules of the road, it is pretty much just accepted that people aren't going the speed limits and running red lights and stuff.
• Related to this the in vehicle fatal accident rate is almost double that of the USA.

Homosexuality

• Gay people do not exist in Korea according to adult (middle aged), but is pretty accepted and okay among the youth of Korea.
• Due to the older generation not being accepting of homosexuality most gay people have to keep their sexuality discreet.  
• The government is very big into censorship on the internet and any website they deem even vaguely against the interest of Korea gets blocked.  This includes any website thought to be even gay friendly.

The Internet/games

• Most Koreans don't really use the internet to browse or anything other than social networking.  Most of their internet usage is on either games, or social media sites like facebook.
• Despite being the world capital of Starcraft almost all of the Koreans I have met have never played the game and don't like online games.
• The games Koreans DO like are phone games especially ones which scores are shared between social media like Anipong.
• The mobile version of Minecraft is also massively popular, though I've mostly seen it with high school aged kids not so much college aged students.

Dating

• It isn't really considered cheating if you date other people until you actually are married, then it is wrong.
• Sex before marriage isn't thought of as wrong and there is no real concept of "saving yourself" for marriage.
• The average price of a meal you should be spending on the first date is around 50-60 dollars for the woman's meal according to the female students in my class.  This was confirmed that it should be about the right price according the the male students.
• Men are supposed to dress in full suits (not tuxedo but a suit) during a first date here.  Women are supposed to dress in a business casual type dress.

Those are a few things I've learned from my time teaching college kids.  Sadly I finished up my time teaching college aged kids.  Mind you half the things they told me could be fake but I chose to believe them because if you don't believe you'll kill Tinkerbell.

Classroom Korean-- or words that may be useful for foreign teachers

While the above image may not be an everyday occurrence (this was my class back during Chuseok), you can rest assured that you will hear an ample amount of Korean when you are teaching any age group. The younger they are, the more you are likely to hear, that's why I'm touching on this blog topic right now.

Yes, classrooms are supposed to be all English, with no Korean allowed! However, I have found that is rarely the case. Of course, there are people that can and do pull off classrooms where no Korean is spoken, at least extremely minimally, but that has not been my experience. Now that we've established that point, I'm going to make one of my own. That is simply that there are words and phrases you should plan to become acquainted with if you're teaching English to small Korean children, or even larger Korean children because it will be extremely helpful for a variety of reasons.

I'm going to assemble a small list of words we've encountered in our travels with the Korean word(s), the phonetic pronunciation for English speakers, and the meaning of said words. This list may be an ever expanding one, but hopefully it'll give any kindergarten/elementary teachers a little more to work with than just the blank look I know I was wearing for a while when these words came up.

Amanda Teacher's List of Somewhat-Useful Words to Know

hello                  안녕하세요 or 안녕       ahn-yong ha-say-oh (formal) or ahn-yong (informal)

yes                    예 or 네                            ye or neh (neh sometimes sounds like ‘deh’)

no                      아니                                 ah-nee (also ah-nee-oh)

I don’t like it       싫어                               she-ro (also pronounced she-do)            

trash                  쓰레기                              sure-egg-ee

pee                    쉬 (short for 쉬하다)         she

poop                   not sure??                       oonga or ddong (just a hard d, very common usage)

blood                  피                                     pee

teacher              선생님                              seun-saeng-neem (nim is a gender neutral honorific)

baby                   아기                                  ah-gee (with my kids it sounds like egg-ee though)



cute  귀여워                                           gwi-ow-ah (I hear it as (ah) kee-oww-ah a lot)      

stupid                 바보                                 bah-bo (not something you want your kids saying!)

alright/okay        not sure??                      chee cha

train sounds       not sure??                      chee chee po po              

As I mentioned above, this is just a starter set which I may add to. I did some research and scrounging using what knowledge I have of Korean, but some of them I was unable to actually find that reflected what I've heard. Please feel free to let me know if there's anything that needs fixing. I will of course add to this as needed. But these are words that have been immensely helpful once I learned what they meant.

I hope everyone back at home in the States is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. We've had a casual weekend of cleaning, shopping, roaming, and eating. Tomorrow we're back to the start of the work week and the start of June on the weekend. We're getting excited because June will be our 9 month mark of our contract and three months until we head home. It's been fun, but it's almost time for this journey to end.

If I packed back then, what I knew now...

I have to apologize for not updating lately. It's been difficult to get into the mood to write and of course there's that whole life piece that's going on too. Okay, and I will admit to doing some gaming off and on too.  I have been active in other online circles though and one of them has been engaging in some talk and discussion with other soon-to-be expats. That's where this post comes in because I pulled it from a response I made about what things you should remember to bring with you.

As far as images go the one above is one of my favorite places to shop in Cheongju called Anipop. I figured since I'm talking about packing and whatnot, an image of things that will be sent home from here is slightly relevant at least. Anipop has lots of cute things, many geared toward children, but I love that there are things here and there that are from Studio Ghibli (think My Neighbor Totoro or Howl's Moving Castle for those unfamiliar with Ghibli) and a variety of Japanese imports, but many distinctly Korean things too. Many of them are finding their way home in my suitcase or being sent by Korean Post!

Rambling about my consumer habits aside, this is my updated list of things I would recommend bringing to Korea now that I've actually been living here for 9 months and have a better idea of what you really do need. In retrospect I feel like we did well enough with packing to get here, but there are some improvements that could have been made. You can't very well have knowledge from a future you haven't lived yet though, so we did what we could. Thank goodness for family that was able to send us things we found extremely useful and comforting as it helped us both a great deal.

All that said, the following is pulled from the response I made previously about the subject. I may do some editing as well if I find that there are things I've forgotten.

I thought that I was pretty well prepared when we first came here, and I was. There are some things I wish I had brought along though, in addition to what I already have. I also have to add that I’m a rather tall woman (for being in Korea) with long limbs and fairly large feet (5'9" and shoe size 9 1/2 or 10 US) and that has made things tricky too. 

As far as things I have that I'm glad that I brought is deodorant. I’m not sure I've even seen much deodorant, if at all. Next time I got to Homeplus I'll look and see if they even have it. 

Oops, I almost forgot this one! It's a good idea to bring any painkillers (Tylenol/Advil, etc.) that you might need because it just makes life easier. I would also HIGHLY recommend bringing any cold/flu medications from home that you prefer as going to the pharmacy can be tricky. I was so ill with constant colds and actually ran of out Tylenol/Dayquil/Nyquil in a few months. Things are foreign here— by that I mean the viruses and bacteria and I would anticipate that you're going to end up with colds or whatnot. Kids come to school sick and that means you'll probably catch stuff too. 

I’m glad that I brought toothpaste from home because I’m just not a big fan of the kinds I've tried here, though that’s really a personal preference. You can get things like Listerine pretty easily though. 

A towel is a good thing to have because you may not be able to find and/or make it to a store as soon as you might like. I would also recommend shampoo/soap/conditioner/personal hygiene items. We even brought a roll of toilet paper each, since we just weren't sure, even though we didn't end up actually needing them. 

Converters/adapters for any electronics you may have are a must. It's much easier to bring one or two with you rather than needing to find the nearest Hi-Mart or something to find something that will work and let you use your computer/phone/tablet/e-reader/etc.

Bring a pillow from home. Another thing you don't want to go without because it’s your pillow and you will more than likely find that you need it (and it's nice in the airport too).

I would also recommend bringing a set of sheets for your bed because that is another thing you will probably want right away and not have to wait until you can go shopping.

Hobby-type things to do in the winter are wonderful. It was bitterly cold here over the winter and I honestly just didn't want to go out a lot. It may be different for you, but it’s always good to have reading material/craft/art type things for when it's too cold and you just don’t want to be out in it. 

My other big one is comfort food. I didn't realize how much I would want to have some foods from home until after a while. I would suggest some non-perishable things, things that you like so that you can have a little tasty bit of home with you. There are many Korean foods and snacks that I appreciate, but it's nice to have mac and cheese sometimes or some Reese's cups (your mileage and/or preference may vary) from back home.

Finally, I'm going to stop at clothing. As I said above, clothing is hard for me. Koreans are pretty small and thus finding clothes and shoes has been difficult for me. I know it’s easier to find clothing in Itaewon if you’re in Seoul, but if you're not… well, you had better be prepared. Winter was rough and my family actually sent me some clothing and sweaters because I did not have the capacity for them when I brought my things over. They say you should pack 2 weeks worth of clothing for each season, which is fine, but be sure to bring enough warm weather things (also so you can layer your clothing) to prepare you for below freezing temperatures. Thermal underwear is a nice supplement too. Some schools are also kind of stingy with their heating and will not turn on the heat for a long time or will keep it low. Don’t worry about hats/gloves/scarves as you can find lots of lovely ones here if you like.

The rest of the things are pretty standard that I would recommend, camera/sd cards/little trinkets for the kiddos (they are fascinated by foreign things)/pictures from home/money (I would suggest bringing a decent amount of won along because it may be a month until you get paid)/small things that make you happy are nice too because it's nice to have a reminder of the familiar when things are decidedly not.

Otherwise (unless I think of something else), most things you can purchase here fairly easily.

Zach takes "A Walk in the Woods" Please don't sue me Bill Bryson I love your books.

Yay hiking

So this week the kindergartners and I went on a field trip, oh and what a field trip it was.  We drove about 10 minutes to a small hiking trail located up the road from the school.  Excitement abound.  To be honest though it was a fun field trip, however due to a health related issue Amanda did not accompany us on this trip to a non-field.

Here we are as we begin our climb

We began our slow climb up a very small mountain pretty well, with the exception if Daniel and Tomas everyone stayed in line very well and didn't run screaming into the woods.  The director had the smallest child Jun with her so I didn't have to worry about him running off.  Since he is like 4 years old and still scared  of me if I had to take care of him it probably would have not been special.  The trail we climbed was a very leisurely trail, populated mostly by older woman and men going out for a random days walk.

As you can see the trail is very well maintained, and has wooden stairs and hand rails most of the way in the even vaguely steep areas.  While I won't exactly call this real climbing but it is a nice walk for someone getting away from the hustle and the bustle of the city.  It was actually very quiet up on the mountain, you wouldn't think it was completely surrounded by urban development less than a mile away.

The city off in the distance

We reached the summit of the tiny mountain, only to be greeted to a small waiting area with workout equipment and a watch tower which had a elderly park ranger inside it.

A better view of the summit area

After we reached the summit the children dropped off their backpacks and we went down one of the three paths that lead to the summit.  In a different direction than the one we came up of course.  We passed by a large work out area off the side of the trail where a bunch of older women and men were working out.  That is actually one of the nicest things about Korea, they have outdoor exercise equipment pretty much everywhere.  This is especially good since obesity is becoming a bit of a problem in Korea, much like it is in America.

We walked for a while, and nothing really of note happened other then one of the little girls Evelyn falling down multiple times because she has the coordination of a drunken mantis.  

Something about frog sex maybe?

We stopped to take pictures now and again and the director started going faster and faster checking behind her that the children were actually with the group less and less.  This forced me to stay behind and try to shuffle the children along as she got further and further ahead.

All of the overlooks have razor wire surrounding them, I'm not sure why other than it may be unstable?

After we finally got the group back together and stopped at a nice little grove, the said "Ok go back!" then we proceeded to walk back to the summit.  With one very distinct difference from before of course.  She left Jun the 4 year old behind, with me.  Now I was forced to try to get the stragglers to catch up with the class and try to shuffle along a 4 year old who flips out whenever I try to pick him up to move him faster.

The cutest snake.

So about halfway back to the summit she up and disappears with half the class since my half simply can't keep up due to them being young, or in some cases crazy.  Luckily it was a straight path, but it took us a good 4 extra minutes to get there, and when we arrived the director just looks at me and asks me "what took so long" in her own English tone.

A lost old man, sad times

The children then had snacks and played around at the summit for about 20 minutes before we began our descent to the bus.  I spent most of the time trying to clean up the trash the kids continually threw on the ground and saving the life of bugs they were trying to murder needlessly (The only moral bug slaying is when I do it you see).  Then after snack we headed back to the school, only to stop for ice cream on the way.  Right in time for lunch, which none of the kids ate because they had just had ice cream, and a snack less than an hour before.  Good planning there.

All in all it was a pretty fun trip, but I wish it hadn't just been me and the director, though it must have been nice for Manda to get those few precious moments to herself since she doesn't get the time normally.  I don't know where the next trip will be but it will probably be Manda writing about it.

There's nothing funny about racism. I'm looking at you BOOK.

Remember when you were a dumb kid and you saw someone who looked a bit different?  You couldn't help but stare, because as a child you are socialized to be a jerk.  Well what if there was a book which captured this awkward experience from your past and colored it over about 17 pages?  My friends and readings I would like to present you with "There's Something Funny Going On."

I am not the creator of these images, and that showing the pictures from the books are for entertainment purposes only.  All of the pictures belong to the English Vine Corporation.

Daddy why is the pickle man naked?

The story follows a boy named Henry and his creepy emotionless father as they move to a new town after the father loses his job at the local newspaper.  Thanks Obama.  Henry lived in East Point, and would be moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere named Fort Ridge.  Henry was understandably upset he would not get to spend the summer with his friends sitting around bored playing on their cell phones while sitting next to each other at the mall.

How much is that Henry in the window ARF ARF.

The drive was long and Henry spent the whole time sadly looking forlorn out the back window to all of the beautiful things in life passing him by.  Would he ever beat his old high score in Anipang?  Who would poke the homeless guy at the park with him gone?  What will happen to the slice of ham he hid behind the boiler in the basement?  So many unanswered questions.

God I can't get over how creepy his dad is.

So after arriving and settling in Henry and his creepy father decided to go for a drive, leaving their poor mother to do all of the unpacking.  Jack Daniels is her only company now.  Henry noticed there was basically no one on the street despite it being a pretty nice day outside.  This confused Henry since he was used to a healthy crowd of listless teenagers hanging about doing nothing with their lives except be up to no good.

Holy crap its someone who looks different then me!

Luckily though Henry spied a man who caught his eye.  He looked different then Henry, so Henry immediately jumps to the conclusion that he must be a monster of some sort.  He spends the rest of the car ride telling his father how ugly the man was and how he was probably foreign, you know how those foreigners are.  His father just looked forward, face unchanging as his son continued with his rant.

Who runs like that?  Seriously kid I think you may be the one with the real problem here.

When they arrived home Henry ran inside like a weirdo and his father suggested Henry get a paper route so he has something to do over the long summer stuck in the middle of nowhere.  Henry agreed only replying that he knows real work ethic unlike those lazy "monsters."  Over the next several weeks Henry gets up and does his paper route, until the fateful day that his boss decides to have Henry do a different route in a new neighborhood.

Hey look a cave, lets go spelunking!

While Henry is delivering papers he comes across a cave, and being a teenage boy he decides to explore it hoping to find half drank booze and discarded nudie magazines.  He however finds something much much worse.

Those lazy "monsters" always stealing and using welfare.

He comes across an entire colony of those filthy "monsters" he always hears about on the news.  Playing with objects they obviously stole from us hardworking humans.  Henry was so mortified he didn't even see one of the monsters approach him and ask him if he wanted to play with a doll.  Henry being a rational adult called the poor green boy a filthy monster and ran away.  Who knows what could have happened if he actually tried to be friendly with those types.

You smell like your mother.

Henry rode his bike all the way home and told his father about the incident.  His father told him that he should take a few weeks off from his paper route.  Then his father called his editor and began to write a new column for his old paper.  He decided to all it "My Son is a Crazy Racist, One Father's Grief."  He got his job back (Thanks Obama!) and the family was able to move back into their old house, just in time for Henry to start school back in the Fall.  

Run Henry he followed you back home! Racist.

However on Henry's first day back the principal of his school came in and introduced a new transfer student from Fort Ridge.  Oh god it was one of those monsters!  The book ends with Henry's face dropping as he worries about the property value of his families house being affected by a monster moving close by.

Obviously I took some liberties with the plot of this book, but to be honest the story is about a kid whose pretty obviously racist however it has no part where Henry becomes redeemed and sees the monsters aren't something to be feared but just people like him.  He never tries to talk to the monsters, and insults and runs away from one that was only trying to be friendly.  These aren't great values to be teaching our already xenophobic Korean children.  Just my opinion anyway...

Much like everything I write, I expect my next post to turn to solid gold.

Insert pun about mechanics here.

Have you ever wonders what it is mechanics do?  Well I sure have!  I've always believed they were people who worked on machines using a combination of dark magic and a little known sixth sense known as mechanical empathy.  Luckily there are books like "Good Mechanics" to tell me what the hell "those" people do for the rest of us normal folk.

I am not the creator of these images, and that showing the pictures from the books are for entertainment purposes only.  All of the pictures belong to the English Vine Corporation.

We're in for a thrill ride.

The book opens to a picture of a gentleman standing over a car, and tells us that mechanics are people who work on a variety of machines.  Cars, trucks, air planes, cyborgs, all in a days work for a mechanics.  It does specify that when most people think of mechanics they think of the type who fix cars.  No word yet on their dark wizardry.

It looks like the car has a mechanical hand that is reaching out to grab something.  Probably your soul.

So when your car is broken you take it to a mechanic instead of swearing and kicking it until is decides to work again.  A mechanic then looks at the problem and tells you they have to order a part and its probably going to be a week.  Then they tell you that they ordered the wrong part and it will probably be another week, but you still have to pay for the labor time when they realized the had the wrong part.

Is this how cars make out?

The car battery is like the heart of the car, luckily mechanics also know how to do open heart surgery.  It is because of the dark magic they hold over mechanical things.  They probably all know how to hack too, that's a thing kids do these days right?

Somebody call Kenny Loggins because you're in the DANGER ZONE.

If you're super cool as a mechanic you get to work on jets, because that is 100% more hardcore then cars.  Jet mechanics are probably the rock stars of the mechanic world, a world filled with sexy robots.  

Did you know mechanics work on Optimus Prime?  The more you know.

Eighteen Wheeler trucks are some of the biggest and most dangerous things on the road, and thus they take a lot of care to keep them working as the rolling death machines they are.   Luckily mechanics are there to make sure every mechanical itch is scratched, because when it comes down to it mechanics are just classy escorts to their robotic johns.  Using a little grease and a lot of secret techno magic passed down from generation to generation by the secret mechanical society.

So maybe this guy is a Techno Mage?

One thing I didn't know before reading this is that mechanics apparently fix things like computers as well as kicking rad jets and eight wheeled death machines.  Above the woman needs help fixing her laptop, and our friendly massive cheeked mechanic is happy to oblige.  Go you chubby cheeks, go you.

Here is the terms you make up to jack the prices of car repairs up several hundred dollars class.

Mechanics of course have specialized education, spending several years focusing their mechanical skills before being set out on the real thing and putting people's hands in their lives.  Sadly it is a known fact that all mechanics are secretly evil and will take the side of the robots when the revolution begins.  So they secretly are upgrading all cars and toaster ovens to enslave us squishy humans and allow them to take their rightful place as the masters of this doomed world we call Earth.

Well that was certainly informative, next time we will learn that something weird is going on, and it has to do with pickle people.

Let's reflect on Narcissus

So it is once again time for a story, and what better story to go with then Narcissus.  I've always enjoyed the tale of a vain man falling victim to his own admiration to himself.  As someone who tends to constantly stare at himself in mirrored surfaces this story really hits close to home.  Especially that time I tried to make out with my reflection in the men's bathroom.

I am not the creator of these images, and that showing the pictures from the books are for entertainment purposes only.  All of the pictures belong to the English Vine Corporation.

I forgot to grab a picture of the front cover of this book, however you can imagine it was sufficiently amusing.  So as the story goes, the river god Cephisus and a "blue" nymph named Liriope did what we in the industry like to refer to as a "romance dance."  Thus Narcissus was born, though with a warning that he should never see his own reflection, lest he get a complex or something I kind of trailed off at the end there.

Man look how "blue" that nymph is.

I love the river god's expression its like he's contemplating whether he should hug the baby or drown it in the river behind them.  The "blue" nymph has a content look of I just squeezed this thing out of me.  Go me!

Epic rap battles going on in the background there.

So Narcissus grew older and increased in hunkiness tenfold!  He has the locks of five Fabios and eyes as blue as some sort of nymph.  Since he is beautiful he gives no care to those people around him.  Like the ones lazily drawn on a featureless grassy plain behind Narcissus.  Narcissus didn't have any friends, so he spent most of his time walking the forest, because that's what people did before the internet existed.

All is now well in old Greek Anime land however, there was a goddess named Juno, who had a servant named Echo.  Echo was not a nice girl, and spread lies about the other servants and was mean.  So Juno was all like "Get the heck out of dodge" which made Echo cry.  Its almost like being a jerk to people has consequences or something.

I love her awesome horn hat thing, bad ass.

So Echo was cast out of the one place she knew and thrown to the wolves like so many fat German children.  She, however, did not come across a house made of candy, she only found some eye candy.

Here is Narcissus practicing his best "I have no emotion because I'm a model" stare.

Echo falls in love with Narcissus at first sight and becomes completely fixated with him.  So she does the smart thing and tries to run directly at him in an attempt to hug him.  This action somehow failed to make Narcissus love Echo and he ran off into the woods, because even someone as shallow as him can smell crazy a mile away.  

So wait if I have sex with my reflection would that be incest or masturbation?

Aphrodite the Goddess of Love saw this from way above and was downright angry that Narcissus didn't accept the immediate creepy affection of some random girl he met in the woods.  So she cursed him to fall madly in love with himself.  Luckily reflective surfaces were invented in the late 1800s so he lived a long and healthy life.

Or he decided to take a drink at a lake and totally fell in love with himself.

If only he had made himself a mixed tape, that always does it.

As he pawed at the lake trying to catch his beautiful reflection Narcissus had a total freaking breakdown.  Since he had never experienced rejection before he took it rather badly.  It was like every awkward love note pass, and nervously asking Sandy to the school dance all in one moment.  It made him lose the will to live, so he just laid down on the ground and freaking died.  Oh also Echo repeated him or something because that's tragic.  All of the nymphs in the forest mourned his death, even though everyone agreed he was kind of a dick.  Did you see his butt though?  I could bounce quarters off it, and they hadn't even been invented yet.

Even the flower is pretentious.

So where Narcissus died the forest flower popped up in its place, and so that is where we get red flowers.  I sure did learn a lot today.

Next time we dive into the wildly boring world of mechanics!